If you want to get technical, my family doesn’t have a very good track record when it comes to marriages. I have three uncles and one aunt. My aunt is gay and I think she may be a commitophobe. Of my three uncles, all three got married, two got divorced and the third lets his wife call all the shots. I refuse to think that he would treat his brother the way that he has without some outside influence. There is a deeper story there that I may go into at a later date.

My brother eloped in December. He met his wife through friends. She truly is wonderful. I really like her. I really like what she’s done for my brother. They both have had very traumatic experiences and they understand each other. She has a crap load of hobbies to keep her busy when he is working 14 hour days on the farm. I saw more of my brother this Christmas holiday than I have since his accident.  And he was smiling! That makes me so happy I get misty.

My 20 year old cousin is getting married this weekend. I have RSVP’d for both me and the boy(I really need to think of a better name). I’m jealous of her. She’s still a virgin, never lived with a boy before, never lived on her own before, and she’s building a house from scratch(and by scratch I mean that they are moving into an apartment and need EVERYTHING!).

Another reason why I’m jealous is because I have that feeling again that the boy does not want to spend the rest of his life with me. And I’m not so sure I want to spend it with him. I think he sees me as being conniving. Everything I do for him is to lure him into marriage. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t see me as thoughtful and kind. When he looks at me, I have horns and a tail! Everything I have done has been out of love but he sees malice.

I admit that I snooped. I shouldn’t have. If he ever reads this, I’m sorry I invaded your privacy. I’m sorry that you think everything I do is to trick you some how. I hope someday you realize that what I did was because I love you and care about you. Also, this was a one time deal. This was the first and only time that I have read your emails on purpose(Gmail has those windows that pop up when you have a new message, how can I not read those. I read everything that pops up. It may be a virus.).

I pray that my brother and my cousin have happy and healthy marriages. That’s all I wanted out of life and I hope that they can make it work. For my cousin, she’s very naive. I hope and pray that all the money troubles that they will have only makes their bond stronger. I hope that as they grow up together that they grow together and not apart. Fights/arguments are healthy. Thrift stores are heaven. Communication is the key.

Live Long and Prosper!

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