Grandpa died March 4th. I went home for the funeral. I don’t mind funerals actually. The part I can’t stand is the “I’m sorry for your loss” and having to look like your sad. I’m one of those people who likes to hide from feelings. I’m pretty good at it actually. I’ll share something with you that I have a hard time sharing with others….. I’m VERY sad that I was unable to say good bye to him. I feel like I didn’t do all I could to make it clear that I loved him. I should have used all the money in my account, taken unpaid days off work to go home and sit with him while he died. This will haunt me for a while. I’m tearing as I type this. It is so incredibly hard for me to live so far away from my family during this time. I don’t tell people this. When they give me thier condolences, I say thank you and tell them that he was in a lot of pain. He was so very sad since his wife died 8 years ago and all his friends dying at an incredible rate. 

But all went well. There were no family squables and everyone made nice. One of my cousins played the marter, claiming to have spent all this time with him and using the experience she gained as a housekeeper to tell the nurses how to treat grandpa and what drugs to give him. She also came up to me during the “calling hours” to give me this pained look and acted like grandpa died at a young age and had his whole life ahead of him. Geez… the man was 90! His whole body was in one arthric mess.

I don’t want to sound completely heartless. I LOVED Grandpa. There is just so much drama I can take at my age. *sigh*

I miss you Grandpa! 

To the rest of you….. 

Live Long and Prosper

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