My whole life I have wanted to be a wife and mother. I know how wonderful marriage can be and I yearn to have that. The yearning at times moves me to tears, and always at inappropriate times.

Daily I ride the bus to work and see these adorable women decked out in their fancy sweaters, designer purses and perfect hair. My eyes always wander to the ring finger. They are lucky ones. They have that constant reminder and proof that someone loves them enough to pledge their life to them. To me, that ring is a badge, a symbol, proof. I look at those beautiful sparkly rings and think two things, one: fuck this status quo bullshit! Two: lucky, and I try to picture a ring on my finger. I can’t see it! To me, that is a sign.

I don’t buy bridal magazines. I don’t dream of my wedding. My friends never say “When you get married…”. And I can’t picture that ring on my finger. 😦

Now, I’m not nieve enough to think that all marriages work and this has little to do with the boy. I have little faith in his intention to “claim” me.I am just enjoying the time I have with him.

I think my biggest fear is dying alone. Never having children and never being loved!

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