I get this. I’m in the zone. Not that it ruins my chances with my guy friends. I don’t think they are attracted to me and I’m not to them. But there is a down side….

I tend to be the go to girl for advice. I’m okay with that. I like to  be that girl. Usually cuz I get to hear about all the shitty crappy things that women do, then I avoid them! 😀 Occasionally, I get someone who comes to me to tell me about “This girl I met this weekend.” I can handle that… it’s the descriptors that throw me for a loop…

Lusty
Soulful
Beautiful
Passionate
Adorable
Sweet
Kind
Good Hearted
Gorgeous
Incredible

I listen to these men, boys, guys talk about their conquests and think…. “I wonder how people describe me… nerdy, dorky, spaz.”

I’ll never be classy or sophisticated. I so badly want to be though. I wish I felt more classy and sophisticated. I mostly feel dumpy and invisible. I look at people and wonder… do they feel the same way? I listen to people with attitudes and wonder… where did they get it and how can I find one? Am I doomed to be a pushover, desperately trying to satisfy people in order to give myself some sort of satisfaction or hoping that by doing stuff for people will somehow change my inner feelings about myself?

Now, don’t get me wrong… I do stuff for me. Pedicures, a new dress, new yarn, a new quilt… yadda yadda I try to empower myself by going to the gym… which is a struggle. Or out with friends.

I don’t mind being in the friend zone… unless it’s the boy’s friend zone… I’ll need to do some major adjusting in that instance…. but sometimes these things bug me.

Live Long and Prosper.

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