I’m going to describe my relationship with The Boy. I’m not sure if I know how to do it, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. I don’t think so anyway. Alright, I’ll try to make it short and sweet.

We started dating sometime in 2007, springish, if I remember correctly. He was a client at the place I worked at. I didn’t think much of him at first. He was a regular and I was nice to him just like I was to everyone else. Our first date was a pleasant surprise, as was the rest of them.

Not long after we started dating, he left his cushy 6 figure job and found out his ex-wife was getting remarried. He spent the following months unemployed, looking for work and doing some independant contracting or consulting.

We spent days together. That summer was one of the best I have ever had. Things had started getting stale towards the end of August and September. We were fighting a lot… not really fighting, but arguments. Are you aware of the difference? I learned the difference this past year. So, in September, right around my birthday, I broke up with him. I was starting to feel like one of his buddies and not his girlfriend. He said he still wanted to remain friends, I said I had to think about it.

A few days later I decided that my life was richer by having him there. His birthday was coming up so I went out and tried to find a fabulous gift with my income…. it was tough, but I think I accomplished it. We met for drinks and gave him my present. He was wasted and that was fine. It was his birthday and he was hanging out with friends.

He had offered to help me move because I had to head back to BFE to pick up my stuff from my parents house. He said he would come with me. I don’t know what I would have done without him there. He was so awesome. He was extremely uncomfortable being that far out of the city… he was raised in a large metropolis and doesn’t venture out to the country very often. My family loved him…. a first. And he totally knew how to handle my moods and stress that people usually freak out at. To me… this was priceless!

The whole trip was just about perfect. Even the move was fucking flawless! I was so relaxed to have him there. I even cried on the way back down to the city, I was worried he would never come to see me now that we were broken up and now his obligation had been fulfilled, there was no need for him to come see me anymore. He assured me that wasn’t the case.  A few days later, I apologized to him. I said that I was sorry and I understood what it was all about. I was being vague on purpose cuz I didn’t want to fully admit I was wrong and I knew that he wouldn’t want to get back together with me. So I left it at that.

Months went by. We hung out all the time. I would go over to his place to do laundry and watch movies. We would go out on weekends for drinks, movies and other datey kinda stuff. In December, he still hadn’t found a job,  his parents were bugging him with family stuff, he was smoking and drinking excessively, and going in a downward spiral. I didn’t understand what was going on until later.

One December weekend, I needed to do laundry. I went over to his place, I brought some things to cheer him up. He hadn’t been out of the house in a week, I was worried. I did my laundry and we watched a movie. He was drinking, I might have had one or two(I’m a lightweight). When my laundry was done, I was packing up to head back but it had started snowing pretty bad and he said I could stay if I wanted to. I did, against my better judgment. I always say yes when I should say no…. I wonder what I would be missing. This time… I defiantly should have said no. We slept together for the first time in months.

The following day, the storm got worse. We hung out at his place. On Sunday, the storm let up and the skies cleared. I got him out of the house. We went for drinks and walked downtown to see the lights. It got too cold so we went to have some drinks. (LOL, I know this sounds like a lot of drinking. He does have a problem but I was  blind to it at the time.) After a while, I saw that he was getting sloppy. I got him in a cab and took him home.

He ravaged me in the bathroom. It was probably the hottest moment of my life. I did some things that night that I never did before and haven’t since. I would LOVE to but you’ll soon see that the opportunity hasn’t come up.

The following week he wasn’t online when he was always there before, he dodged my phone calls, emails, and everything else. Finally, the following Friday I sent him a text message that said I had left my favorite sweats at his place. I knew he was headed back to his parents for a few months and I wanted to get them before he left. He text me back saying that he would Fed Ex them. OUCH! I told him something to the effect of I know what was going on and he didn’t have to worry, I wasn’t going to be “that” girl. He said, come over and get them.

I went. I went in my pajamas at midnight. I wanted to get this over with. I walked in his apartment. It was a mess! I didn’t say anything, I grabbed my sweats and was about to leave and he said, “would you like to stay for a beer?” I said, “No, Not really.” He said, “Please, I would like you to.” I kept on my woolknit hat and my big winter coat and my huge scarf. I sat on his roommates cheap ass fake leather couch and stared at the TV. He said that he thought he owed me an apology and that he shouldn’t have used me like that. I felt like he had just socked me in the stomach. I felt like complete shit. I had wanted it just as much as he did. I felt completely horrible. It was awful.

He left that weekend. He called me a couple of times in the duration of the two months he was gone, I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I was too weak. I knew that the moment I heard his voice I would break down and cry. I had been strong thus far and refused to cry over him.

Then I met Michael… Well, I had technically already met him but we rekindled something… it wasn’t much actually. You can read about him here. Sometime in February I checked the boy’s Facebook page. Yes, I cyber stalked him. Well, I wouldn’t really call it stalking, but I checked in on him. It hurt too much to look at his pages frequently. I saw that he was back in Chicago. I sent him an email asking him to return my keys. I said that he could mail them to me and I put my address in the email. Cold, I know. It was meant to be. I got a call a few hours later. He left a voice mail saying that he wasn’t sure which keys were mine so he was going to drop them off in person when I wasn’t there. He said he would slip them under the door. I didn’t bother calling back. Just hearing his voice in my voice mail box was too much. I got home and saw that he had left the wrong keys. Typical for him. I sent him a text telling him that he left the wrong keys. He called back….. I …. answered. He apologised profusely and sounded so sad and nervous. I took pity on him. I told him to come over the following night to drop them off while I was home. He did. We talked. Michael called. The boy saw that I had moved on. He kinda looked sad. He tells me that he didn’t care… I guess I’ll never know.

Shit started hitting the fan with Michael. I wondered if it was because the boy was back or if Michael was that much of a tool. He was that much of a tool. I dumped him. If you read the blog entry about him you’ll see I got out just in time.

I started hanging out with the boy again. We acknowledged that we had some kind of strong connection. We started sleeping together again…. Regularly at first… then things started getting really distant. And that is where we are now. Apparently we aren’t dating, but we are together constantly. He stays over… sometimes in the middle of the night he reaches for me… but not enough to satisfy my appetite. I’m not sure if what I am feeling is this Limerence that I was recently told about by TBK or if it is just another crush… soon to be crushed.

I need to take time to figure it out.  I need to be strong!  I hope this clears things up a little. I know, long, but our time, though short, is FULL of stories.

Live Long and Prosper.

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