Dearest “Friend”,

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t think much of you at first. You were just a client I saw occasionally. Our first date was so special to me. Everyday after has been equally as special.

I know you are divorced, I understand, even after you lied to me and told me you weren’t. I was completely okay with it because I could see more in you. I could see that you were a good person and there was pain that you didn’t want to discuss that early on in a relationship. I cared about you.

The thing that bothers me is this….. This is such a beautiful piece of artwork that you created. There is so much love and pain in this piece. It bothers me that I will never be let in on those feelings and you could never feel this way for me. The first time I saw this I just about cried. It hurt so much to look at. You sent me the link again yesterday and I looked at it again.. thinking that maybe this time it won’t hurt so bad…. I was wrong. It was just a different hurt. A hurt of realization. A hurt of finally seeing my place. A hurt of knowing that I have a choice to make… and knowing how hard and hurtful that choice is going to be. I have to remember to stay strong. I have to remember the pain, the hurt, the realization of never being that one person, not just to you, but to anyone. I have to take comfort in myself when all I want is to take comfort in you. I so wanted to be able to call you my lover… I see now that it will never be.

I’m glad that I’m alone in the office today. It’s hard to see and write this with out tears staining my face.

Yours,

Me.

*******Edit*****

P.S. There are so many times I have wanted to reach out to you, to caress you, to kiss you, to ravage you, but there are only so many times that I can be pushed away before I start to think you don’t want me. That wall you have built hurts everytime I run into it. I am black and blue from running into it. Yes, I understand and see the troubles you have been through and the problems you have now. I think back and wonder about things you said to me in the past. It’s funny how it’s those things that you fail to remember but I remember with weak knees and my breath caught in my throat. …..and now, having this picture in my blog mocks me. It laughs at me and is a constant reminder of something I can never be. It’s strange how I can hate something so beautiful. Will you ever see me and understand this? Will you regret me walking away? Will you catch me before it’s too late?

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