I have no concentration today. All day at work I’ve been lost. It sucks. I’m waiting to get off work to borrow my friends car to pick up a TV and air conditioner for my apartment. I’ve gotten a few things taken care of, but for the most part I’ve been cruising myspace checking out profiles on my never ending search for my high school sweetheart. I don’t know why, but I have some irresitible urge to find him. I know when I do he’s going to be married and it’s going to be one of those things that puts me into depression. My guy has been on a moody kick lately. He won’t talk about it, yet…. but MAN…. when men get moody it sucks. I’m dying for some affection. I love in the mornings when he stays at my place and he’s sleeping and he curls up next to me. Whew, I shouldn’t think about that… my body is going into hot flashes and it isn’t menopause. *shivers*

But anyway, my 30th birthday is coming up. I want so bad to get excited but I know that nothing is going to go the way I want it to. If I throw a party, only a few people will show up. I’ll be presentless, flowerless, friendless and it will be depressing. Just once, I would like to have a fabulous birthday that I think about and say, yeah, people love me, I have friends and we know how to have a good time. Just once…..

Have I mentioned that I haven’t gotten flowers in over 2 years? In fact, I can count on one hand the amount of times I have been sent flowers and twice they have been from my family. At least my family loves me.

Man… what’s this all about. I’m not even in this mood. My birthday does depress me.

Well, I guess I’m going to try to get some more work done.

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