I got a call last week. My close college friend is getting married. I have mixed feelings about this. I’m supremely happy for her. I’m happy that she found a great guy and she is happy and ready to build a life with this man that she loves. I’ve seen her date some losers…. but haven’t we all? This is the first guy that I haven’t quietly asked, “Are you sure about this?”. Her blissfully happy and near perfect life makes me happy. I’m happy that my friend is happy.

On the other hand, her blissfully happy and near perfect life turns me green with envy. Not a dark green, just a light neon green. I’m envious that she has found her path in life. I’m jealous that she has found “him” when I’m still looking for “him”. Now, I realize that I need to get my stuff in order. Now, does my time come when I have everything figured out? Does anyone have everything figured out?

I have a sinking feeling. Do you ever feel like sometimes you just know things…. like when your kid gets hurt, or your twin broke his/her arm? Sometimes you just know… well… I have this sinking feeling that I don’t have a mate. I am doomed to be the bridesmaid and never the bride. This isn’t something that I should dwell on, but sometimes… you can’t help the direction your mind goes. And now, I’m feeling like a complete stupid head for writing about this. I’ve had a rough week and I must be a masochist for thinking thoughts like this.

I need a puppy!

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