OK. Not sure if anyone actually reads this, but maybe eventually. So, a lot of time has passed. With the passage of time, many life events happen too. I was working at a salon that catered to men. That was my first job in the big city. I liked it for the most part. What red blooded woman wouldn’t? A constant stream of men, none of that petty girl crap, endless dating pool of which I partook of. I met quite a few men. I went out with a few. One I spent endless days with.

I met Adrián, this short, skinny, Latino man at the salon. Attractive, but not quite my style. He was a client, a good one. One day while he was paying for his services I was talking about what a nice weekend it was going to be and how I was going to hit the beach. He said that he was going to be there too and I should call him. I had him write down his number and we agreed that I would call him when I got to the beach.

So, Sunday came. I got up, went to church, then headed to the beach. I got to the beach and settled in. To be perfectly honest, I just thought it was going to be a friend thing. I was a little nervous, I wanted to have more friends in the big city but I didn’t want to have some awkward attraction thing. I put my blanket next to the volleyball courts, pulled out the paper, and dialed his number.

The conversation went a little like this:

Me: Hi. It’s Jane. I’m at the beach. Are you here?

Adrián: Oh, Hi! I was at the beach earlier. I’m downtown now. I’ll be there soon.

Me: Uh… okay. No rush. I’ll be here for awhile.

So, I laid there soaking up the sun and watching the volleyball players. About an hour or so later, Adrián showed up. I put on some shorts because I wasn’t ready for him to see me THAT naked yet. =D Adrián settled in and things were awkward for awhile. Pretty soon the conversation flowed. We sat on the beach for a while longer then decided to grab a bite to eat at the beach’s restaurant. We grabbed a sandwich and had a beer and talked. The conversation flowed pretty easily. I was actually pretty relaxed. I was surprised at how comfortable I felt.

A little background on me. I’m a farm girl. Grew up with tractors, cows, and electric fences. My sense of fashion revolves around Carhartts and Wranglers. Adrián was/is a very sharp dressed man. I’m talking Armani and Dolce and Gabbana. Now, being a lowly farm girl, this intimidates me. Chicago is pretty darn fashionable and Carhartts just don’t cut it.

Adrián and I finished our sandwiches and decided to head downtown to check out the Jazz Festival that was going on that weekend. It was a beautiful day and it was perfect for a stroll down in the park with good music. The Jazz Festival is actually pretty small. So, after we walked around a little bit and talked, Adrián turns to me and says “Wanna go see a movie?” I looked at him a little surprised and said, sure. I was actually thinking, “Really? You want to spend MORE time with me?”

So, off we went. We saw a movie and then he took me home. As we were sitting out in front of my house, there was the regular awkward moment where you ask yourself, “Should I kiss him or not?” I decided not. He turns to me and says:

“What are your plans for tomorrow?”

Me: I’m suppose to hang out with a friend. (when said friend was this annoying guy I met on the train)

Adrián: I think you should ditch your friend have have lunch with me.

Me: (blushing) ooookaaay…. I’ll think about it.

I went into my house. I was floating on a cloud. Which I usually do after a good date. Most women I think get that feeling. I had the perma grin. The next day, he called me and took me out to lunch. It was a beautiful day. We had a wonderful lunch and great conversation. I couldn’t believe how great this guy was. I NEVER expected him.

Our next date went on for days… literally. I stayed at his place for two days. We laid in bed and talked. Really…. just talked. Okay.. we made out a little, too.

Most of the summer passed like that. Endless days with each other. It was awesome. We did so much and nothing all at the same time. We became so close that it got to the point where I felt more like a friend than a girlfriend. I really didn’t like it. I didn’t feel desired or special. We quit “dating” and became more like buddies. I wanted to be his girlfriend. So, I did something childish. I became unreasonable. I acted standoffish until he was unhappy too and we decided to break up. He still wanted to be friends. I knew that was going to be hard for me. But I thought about it and figured that it was more important for me to have him in my life than to lose this great friend. It was hard. I wanted to be with him all the time. I wanted to call him when cool things happened. I wanted to call him when bad things happened. Well… to make a VERY long story a little shorter, he ended up hurting me pretty bad. We parted ways for a little while. We both needed to take a break. He took off to spend time with his family and I started dating to get my mind off him.

We are back to hanging out. Strictly platonic for the most part. We go for drinks and hang out. This past weekend we spent the whole weekend together. We ended up in each others arms. It’s driving me crazy. I’m trying to keep a level head. Trying to tell myself it was just a one time thing, that we were both lonely and missed each other. Secretly, I was hoping for a little love. Just hope it doesn’t drive me completely insane.