For the last 7 months I have been attending a “trade” type school for Administrative Medical Assisting, which is pretty much paper work/office work….learning insurance lingo and medical terms and a few other things. Well, I was done with class about a week and a half ago and have been waiting on word to start the last part of my schooling… an externship(an unpaid intership is the best way to describe it). I had some troubles with my physical and my paperwork was held up so I have been in a nervous state of Limbo for the last two weeks. I heard today that I start tomorrow at 9am and I will be working in the lab. This is interesting because I have a fear of needles and wasn’t trained to stick people… I’ll be talking to the head of the department tomorrow and will be finding out exactly what I will be doing. I am still in a nervous state…but at least I’m not in Limbo anymore.

I took a trip to a resale shop today just down the street from the where I work. It’s an AWESOME place and they have a great selection of clothes and excellent prices. I walked out with 2 bags of clothes for $100. I’m freakin’ out a bit cuz I NEVER have spent that much on clothes… I’m having severe shoppers remorse…. I’m trying hard to convince myself that I needed the clothes… which I did for a number of reasons. 1) I don’t have a lot of nice clothes to wear to a job like that. 2) I will need something to wear to interviews after this process is over. 3) I am in desperate need of dress pants… (of which I bought 3…all under $20). A friend just told me that these new clothes will help me with my confidence and putting my best foot forward for this “new experience”(his words…not mine).

Things aren’t exactly going as I had hope… but then again… what’s new. NOTHING ever goes how I hope. I have a history of planning for things and getting all excited then having it all go down the drain…. I don’t know how many special nights I had planned for my ex… every single one of them ended up a disaster! Road trips, dinners, gatherings, parties…. all of it! Just ONCE! Just once I would like something to go MY way! Selfish… I know…. But I’m human, Damn it! Needless to say… I quit dreaming big….or dreaming at all really. I’ve gotten use to disappointment. It just slides off my back like water off a duck. (cuz thier feathers are water resistant… for those of you who are city folk) In fact… I’ve come to expect it. Just when I think things start looking up… I have to bring myself down a few notches…. depressing, I know… But spend a few in my shoes and see how you take it. There’s only so much one can take by their lonesome…….

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